So you royally screwed up.
You’ve been beating yourself up (figuratively) about something you said or did, and the guilt is just eating you up inside.
You need to apologize to someone, yet the shame is so unbearable that you avoid it altogether. Then wham, a random encounter occurs when you least expect it, and there you are face to face with this person, your tail tucked between your legs.
The Universe has lovingly interceded on your behalf, to assist you so that you can make peace with this person, apologize, and free yourself of this pain. Your moment of deliverance has arrived; yet you’re shaking in your boots.
“What if I apologize and they tell me to stick it?”, “Oh man, now I’ve gotta be reminded of how awful of a person I am again?”, ”Why can’t they just forget about it altogether?” “Can’t we all just get along?”
I’m sure we’ve all experienced this at some point in our lives (unless we’re a super-enlightened being, which is unlikely.)
Here’s the thing, an apology can be the most cathartic, assertional act of affection that you can do for yourself and the other person, yet you have no control over the outcome. I repeat – you have no control over the outcome. You’re not responsible for how this person chooses to react or receive your apology, and that in itself is freeing.
Contrary to popular belief, your role in the apology is not to alleviate the person’s suffering by making right of the situation, it is more about acknowledging the pain you may have caused this person by your actions, and that’s where the healing actually occurs.
You see, we carry a heavy burden on ourselves by walking with the intention of ‘making nice’ of the mess we’ve created with the other person. We’ve missed the mark altogether about the art of apologizing and being unapologetic at the same time.
You are apologizing for your lack of consciousness and how your actions may have inflicted pain on the other person.
However, that does not mean that you are beholden for the rest of your life to live up to the level of expectations of this person, nor be reminded of your dumb mistakes of the past, forever and ever, amen.
You’ve done your part, and if the other person chooses to judge you for the rest of your life, then they have chosen to inflict their own suffering on themselves.
In the wise words of the great poet, Maya Angelou:
When you know better, you do better.
And so the question for both parties really is, “Can you love yourself wholeheartedly, even when you’ve made an epic mistake? Can you forgive yourself?”
You’ll find that how we handle these types of situations always goes back to our level of self love in that the more loving you are to yourself, the more you are able to forgive yourself for your own mistakes, and to forgive others.
And so, circling back to the offender for the moment, your ability to no longer judge yourself for the past after an apology has been made, shows the level of compassion that you have yourself.
And really, we’re all doing the very best we can on this journey called Life.
Apologize and acknowledge how you may have hurt someone, but don’t ever apologize for who you are, or for not living up to the expectations of another.
Over to you:
Have you ever apologized to someone, only to be reminded of your mistake over and over again? How did you handle it? And, more importantly, how did it make you feel?
Please share your heartfelt thoughts and feelings about it on the comment box below of the blog, and I’ll be sure to reply.
Remember, you are your own person, flawed and imperfect, a spark of divinity, made in the image of the Creator of all things, and it’s okay to screw up on occasion. You are a work in progress, own it, embrace it, love the person that you are.
Love certainly makes the world go round; and who doesn’t want to be in a loving relationship, right?
I once worked with a client that had a turbulent relationship with her partner for many years.
She was experiencing a lot of guilt about leaving the relationship because her partner was so good to her; yet in her heart, she truly wanted to move on and start anew.
While speaking with her, we brought up the dynamics of her parents, as this often forms our beliefs about partnership on an unconscious level.
It was revealed that her mother was overly giving to her father; to the point of neglecting her own needs. Her mother had manifested in the form of her husband.
As a result of this, she carried an enormous amount of guilt in leaving her own relationship, because she had fallen out of love a long time ago.
Through her inner work, she realized that this unconscious programming of her mother/father relationship dynamic had become her marriage.
It was illusionary and co-dependant in nature, and not a real, romantic partnership of two whole people, loving and supporting each other.
Does any of this resonate with you?
We often re-create and manifest these types of relationships in our lives, unconsciously, due to past conditioning because it feels familiar; but it’s not necessarily what’s best for our soul’s evolution.
Unfortunately though, this creates an unstable foundation, which often leads to a lot of pain and suffering because these relationships are defined by how they feed your wounded self.
When you love yourself from a whole place, you are not at the mercy of anyone’s approval. The whole person is full of love, and gives unconditionally with no hidden agenda. They love, just because.
When we begin to examine our relationships from an internal standpoint, it will reveal if our relationships are authentic and true.
When you work on becoming a whole person, you will attract a partner that is whole too; like the mirror image of yourself.
Brokenness attracts co-dependant, illusionary relationships where both people are seeking love outside of themselves.
True love is the opposite, it wants to give wholeheartedly with no demands. There are no expectations, because the person is whole, and does not need anyone. The relationship is equal, it complements you.
And so my loves, I say love yourself radically first, and you’ll find the right mate.
Seek relationships that help you grow spiritually, the ones that challenge you, and help you see things from a different perspective, so that you can expand into the person you are meant to be.
Failure to do so stunts your growth, and will ultimately bring a lack of fulfillment. We all naturally have the desire to keep growing and evolve.
And while I believe that there are no mistakes, only lessons, in life, it is still wise to work on yourself and expand your awareness so that you may live your truth.
I’ve found that by choosing to remain in an unfulfilling relationship, I was sending out a message to the Universe of how I wanted to be treated, and this affects all of us. When this happens, we end up making the choice to remain stuck in our evolution.
And so I say, be willing to let go of the bad in order to experience a higher love that is great.
True love really does exist, if only you open your heart to it.
Now your turn: Are you currently in an unfulfilling relationship?
Or, need advice?
I’d love to hear from you! Please share your heartfelt thoughts on the blog with the rest of the community and I’ll be sure to reply.
Life can be pretty tough at times, right?
The person that you thought to be amazing, turns out to be not as awesome as you thought. The golden opportunity that you thought was a level up, didn’t quite work out. The person who you thought to be trustworthy, isn’t.
Oh yes, these are things that happen as the world turns. And this isn’t about judgement (as we’re all flawed in our own unique ways); it’s about rising higher and choosing to see things differently, because we still have a choice.
We have a choice to see through the lens of love, or fear.
Love in the sense that all is well, and everything is happening for your highest good. Or through the fear that you are a victim.
Bitterness hurts my friends.
It creates a negative vortex around you that puts a sign on your forehead for the Universe, that literally says, “I want more problems.”
Plus, it’s heavy, unattractive; it blames, points the finger, and chooses to be a victim in life. It walks with the perception that “everyone’s trying to screw me over”, which is really not an empowering way to live.
Love, on the other hand, heals and triggers what needs to be brought to the surface for healing and examination. Love sees the whole picture, and views every challenging situation as a divine lesson with greater meaning. It molds you, pruning and refining you into the magnificent person that you really are.
Loves says, “That person is me in another form. What can I learn from this experience? What can I learn more about myself based on my reaction?”
I’ve learned that there is always a shared accountability in every encounter or experience that we have.
When we take this stance, we stand in our power by taking responsibility for our part in the experience. We become the observer instead of the victim.
Nothing can be accomplished with a heart that is closed. It only perpetuates suffering and spreads density within.
Until one has come to the place that they no longer see any value in pain, they will continue to feed their grievances with a judgement of what should of happened, instead of focusing on the present moment, and the possibilities unfolding before them.
An open heart, on the other hand, creates space for everything beautiful to enter your life. It aligns itself with a higher vibrational frequency and matches itself to the pulse and heartbeat of the Universe.
Love then becomes in service of itself, where an open heart is emitting the frequency of allowing more loving experiences to enter our lives.
Look, there is not even one of us who is exempt from crappy situations, or being burned by another in our lives, whether it be personally or professionally.
We are all on our own individual paths and you just never know the inner workings of one’s soul, or battles that a person is quietly trying to conquer within.
Walking with compassion in our hearts for ourselves, and for others, even though their behaviour is horrible, helps us open up our heart space for divine healing to occur. Really and truly, we are only responsible for ourselves, and can only change ourselves.
Ask yourself these questions when you find yourself holding onto a grievance in your heart:
1) What value am I getting out of holding onto this offence?
It’s really twisted, but somehow we feed into the belief that pain adds value in our lives. Or that by holding onto a grudge, it is revengeful. But this only hurts ourselves in the end. When you love yourself, why on earth would you want to hang onto pain?
2) What would love do in this situation?
Ask yourself what would love do? Does love punish? Is it full of revenge? I mean, really think about it. Only fear wants to do all of the above because fear interprets itself as being under attack whereas love sees itself as always safe and protected.
3) By holding onto this grievance, am I getting what I want?
Most of us have hidden desires of the heart; we’re only human, after all. So ask yourself if the grievance is getting in the way of the life you want to live. You’ll find with deeper reflection that it is in some way as it keeps you shackled in your past, leaving no room for new experiences to come in.
And so the next time you find yourself harbouring resentment to an offence, ask yourself these questions and you’ll begin to clear your heart.
Now your turn: What form of grievances or offences are you prepared to let go of, and will you choose bitterness, or love?
OR, need advice?
Please feel free to share your heartfelt thoughts and comments with the rest of the community on the blog and I’ll be sure to reply.
Cheers to joy, lightness and freedom!