Inspired by a recent mini showdown I had with a customer service representative the other day, I decided to delve into the power of the word No. (I was not a happy camper when I didn’t get what I wanted.)
So, how good are you at being told No?
Everybody likes winning, but what happens when we’re told a big fat No?
Now this is not a conversation about tenacity and persistence or about sharpening your negotiation skills, because those are all great qualities to possess without a doubt.
You see, we often talk about setting healthy, boundaries by using the word No to honour our self worth, yet we never really examine how we feel when we’re on the receiving end.
Today I’d like to explore that with you.
I mean let’s be honest here, the mere thought of being told No makes many of us cringe.
The reaction is kinda’ like “Whaaaatt!? You’re telling ME No, I don’t think so.”
And then all kinds of thoughts spiral from there like rejection, not good enough, I’m not likeable, I’ll prove you wrong, etc.
Yes the word No is quite powerful, and can trigger so much within us and bring what needs to be healed to the forefront.
Rejection will shake and crush your confidence to the core, bring up old, childhood issues, make you question your worthiness, make you hold your piece with seething indignation and even shine a light on your ego/false pride/entitlement issues.
It will make your small self have an internal temper tantrum that will highlight unconscious agendas, true intentions and reveal illusions about yourself that will give you a big piece of humble pie.
Yes indeed, sometimes not getting what we want can be a tremendous, learning opportunity that can lead to greater self reflection.
Let me bring this home.
So you’re selling a product to a customer.
You’re selling all of the features about this product, how it’s the next best thing, how it’s gonna change their lives, blah, blah, blah, barely listening to what their needs are because, in the back of your mind you have a goal to meet, and they’re the last customer that will help you meet it.
Now you’re saying to yourself sheepishly, “Who me? Never…”
Yet throughout the conversation, you’re so busy trying to convince the customer why they should buy your product that you miss all of the subtle signs, the hums, the hahs, that they’re not convinced that it will meet their needs after all because you’ve gotta’ hit your target.
The end result is that the customer listens intently to you ramble on and on about the benefits, and then says, “No thanks.”
Now you’re sitting there pissed, thinking “I wasted all that time and didn’t get paid for it”.
Nope! You only saw what you wanted and didn’t listen to what the customer’s needs were, that’s why you lost the sale.
You see, sometimes we become so consumed with our own wants that it blinds us of the truth before us. In this instance, the customer’s needs and what’s in the best interests for the highest good of all.
I’ve learnt that by graciously backing away, we are respecting the other person’s wishes, and we are giving a nod to the Universe that we choose to be in alignment instead of forcing our agendas into fruition.
And when we do this, we set ourselves up for some good karma and something way better that feels good all round because we are connected to the core of our values.
And so the next time, someone tells you No, try your best to see things differently and include what the other person’s needs are, and I guarantee you’ll walk away feeling a whole lot better about yourself knowing that something better awaits.
Over to you: Does this post resonate with you? And if so, do you feel like to you need to lighten up your sensitivity to being told No?
OR, need advice?
Do feel free to share your heartfelt thoughts and comments with the rest of the community on the blog and I’ll be sure to Reply.
Always remember that grace wins every time.
To be conventional or unconventional? That is the question.
For myself, yeah I’m probably leaning more towards the unconventional side.
Can you tell?
You see, I love tradition, I really do.
But I was the annoying child that always asked ‘but why?’, and as an adult, I still do.
My lifelong quest is to remove barriers, to shake things up, to question the status quo with the supreme intent of living my truth fiercely and awaken others to do the same.
This is my vision – my love affair.
This is why I write to you every week, to stimulate an internal revolution within you to examine the idea of your Self Concept, to help you become more aware, so that you can become more of who you really are and take the journey inward to allow your true self to emerge.
Sometimes we don’t realize that we are living out the lives and opinions of others, unconsciously, and it’s not really who we’re destined to be.
And it becomes frustrating as you drum up the courage to take a leap of faith, only to have the negative voices within and without drown out the voice of your heart.
I love this quote by A Course in Miracles:
We ourselves have imprisoned our wills by denying who we really are.
And how suppressing it can come to be seen as imaginary walls, and feel like you are living in a cage of conformity through the lens of limitation.
And on top of that have the choir of convention, calling you out on your so called defiance.
But here’s the raw truth of the matter.
Trying to be something you’re not is the biggest, energy zapper ever. In fact, I would even go to the extent of calling it a self-attack, and overall, a deception to your true self.
And so I believe wholeheartedly, that you can change the trajectory of your life by honouring your soul’s sacred mission by using the compass of your soul as your North Star; not the common consensus of the majority.
You clear your throat chakra and speak up for a change instead of cowering and fading away further and further into a fictional character based on sheer illusion.
Do not allow your true essence to be stifled, but seek your soul’s place rather in the grand master plan of the life, and then spend your life loving, serving, and giving. Use your divine gifts and talents from the space of your higher self.
Now, it won’t be the easiest thing to do at first.
In fact, in the beginning of your quest when you get smacked upside the head with the big question ‘Who Am I?, you will vacillate between listening to the external voices and opinions of your peers, and the ever so gentle, self assured, whisper inside of you that says, “C’mon now, you know what you really need to do.”
But eventually the external noise will wear thin as the light starts to expand and highlight the infinite room of possibility that dwelled inside of you all along.
Oh rest assured, truth will triumph as you listen to the voice within.
We are here to co-create in honour and reverence of the eternal, omnipotent presence that gives us life itself.
To be a useful vessel of clear purpose and intent, so that this magnificent force of love may move through us and make manifest it’s plan.
Bet ya’ didn’t think that your role was that important huh? YOU are.
Can you accept this eternal truth?
That you are a magnificent, change agent that does not need to be fixed, that you are perfectly designed for the job.
If so, shatter your imaginary walls of conformity and find the courage to allow ALL of you to be seen and heard.
Now your turn. What gift or talents are you secretly, stifling in your life that you long to share with the world?
Or, need advice?
Do share your heartfelt thought and comments with the rest of us on the blog and I’ll be sure to Reply.
Your presence and gifts need to be shared.
The world awaits.
Is diplomacy really the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
Is it a desperate ploy to keep the peace?
Is it an unconscious agenda to be liked?
You know, to say the right things ALL the time so you never rock the boat with another person.
You see, there’s a fine line between caring about another person’s feelings by being diplomatic, and gliding into the BS zone at the same time.
The disease to please is quite common in our society.
Why do we feel the need to do this?
I believe that it is an underlying plea for approval and acceptance.
I’m sure a lot of us would admit that we’ve been faced with having to make a choice to be brutally honest with our friends or significant others, or sugar up our response so as to not hurt the person’s feelings.
You know like when your friend tries on an outfit that truth be known is hideous and you say, “Oh it looks great girl, it brings out your eyes.”
Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes brutal honesty, when delivered harshly, can be received as downright rude and insensitive. And I’m not suggesting that we go that route for the sake of proving our point.
I’m more interested in why we cop out of saying it like it is nicely, as opposed to sugar coating our responses with a load of fluff.
So here’s what I’ve discovered — deep down, we crave the need to assimilate. We allow ourselves to be uncomfortable in the name of not being perceived as a party-pooper, and slowly this becomes a habitual way of living.
We then walk through life shaking hands and kissing babies, all in the name of not trying to ruffle any feathers.
When the truth of the matter is, we’re only giving people half truths. We’re not really honouring how we really feel, and on top of that we’re not revealing who we really are.
Why do we wear these masks?
I believe that when our need for connection and validation becomes so strong, we learn to stifle and sacrifice our voice as a means to be accepted.
We reveal only a teeny, weeny, bitty part of ourselves, for the sake of being acknowledged and appreciated, while the other person walks away with the image that we’ve presented.
Here’s the crux of the matter.
Every time we withhold our truth by not honouring how we really feel, or where we stand, we are not living in the space of our highest selves.
And, we unknowingly give our power away for the sake of being liked.
For example, examine how you feel when you’re about to tell a white lie. Notice how anxious you become, notice how slowly you start to feel heavy and weakened.
You’ll find that your resistance to being honest has more to do with an underlying need for acceptance, rooted in fear.
Fear of being judged and not liked, and the fear of being rejected.
Now I’m not saying that we should go around blurting out our feelings without any consideration for the other person, because that can have disastrous effects and ruin relationships.
I’m merely suggesting that empowered living will require us to speak our truth so that we can ultimately live in the space of our higher selves from a place of love, and not fear.
Now your turn; does this post resonate with you? And if so, have you ever been in a situation where you found yourself being overly diplomatic only to walk away feeling totally depleted?
OR, need advice?
Do share your heartfelt thoughts and comments with the rest of the community on the blog, and I’ll be sure to reply.