Toxic relationships. A Guide on How to Lovingly Release Them.

yelling

This week’s blog goes out to all of the earth angels out there.

The kind, loving, sensitive souls who have gigantic hearts.

The empaths, feelers, and psychically attuned who have the ability to tap into and absorb other person’s emotions with ease.

The givers who sacrifice their own happiness to be a loving force of support.

We love you, we appreciate you.

However, it’s time to set some healthy boundaries.

Are you worn down by toxic relationships?  Do you find that certain relationships in your life suck the very life force energy out of you?

If so, the buck stops here.

Toxicity is like a cancer, and once it takes root, it spreads and mutates with light-speed throughout all of your cells and your entire system.

Just think about when you’re having a conversation with someone, and it starts to go down hill, ever notice how your body starts to feel heavy, anxious and tight?

And before you know it, you become it by virtue of the fact that you are in close proximity.  This is just how energy works.

Look, I’m all for lending a supportive ear to people who need a shoulder to cry on; compassion is the glue that holds us together, and life can certainly kick the wind out of you (even the best of us!)

But when a person chooses to wallow in self pity and victimhood, or worse, continues to focus on the negative even after a solution has been given, it can be tremendously taxing to your spirit, joy, and well being (to the point that you need to take a nap and give yourself a pep talk  after you’ve spoken with them).

And so may I humbly suggest the following; sever toxic relationships and toxic conversation pronto (lovingly of course!)

Drop it like a hot potato immediately, then send them off by saying a prayer, wish them a beautiful life, and carry on.

Don’t allow anyone to drain your precious life force energy, you deserve peaceful, harmonious, uplifting relationships.

When we allow toxic relationships to thrive in our lives, i.e. the Negative Nancy and Doubting Thomas’s of the world, we become a portal for fear to enter our minds and all it takes is one seed of doubt to taint the lens of our perception to the point of creating fear based, funky situations.

Only light sees hope and possibilities – I say let’s dwell there.

So now the best part, finding the courage to let go of these soul debilitating relationships.

Here’s 3 highly effective, loving tips on how to say ‘syonara’ to toxic relationships once and for all:

1.    Speak your truth.

This one is for the brave and bold souls who are willing to have those sweaty palm conversations.  When you’ve hit your limit with Negative Nancy, you can say something like this “Hey Nancy, I know you’ve been having a difficult time, and my only wish for you is to be happy, but I find our conversations lately to be quite heavy and I’d like to remain optimistic.”  Two things can happen, either she appreciates your sincerity in telling her how you feel, or you become Public Enemy No. 1.  If the latter, she’ll do you the favour of severing the relationship for you.

2.   Reduce the amount of time you spend with them.

Negative Nancies and doubting Thomas’s come in all forms and sometimes they’re in your family too!  In those instances, we must manage the amount of time we spend with them and not necessarily sever them altogether (because, we love them).  When you start to distance yourself slowly (and that means not taking their calls as frequently), they’ll start to get the hint or they’ll turn to someone else to dump on.  Either way you’re off the hook.

3.   Break up, completely.

This is the point of no return where you just can’t take it anymore.  You’ve tried talking to them about your feelings and they’re just not getting it.  You’ve tried to be supportive and loving but they just refuse to pull up their socks and look to the light.

Final thought:  In the wise words of our beloved Buddha “If your compassion does not include yourself then it is not complete.”  It is Ok to put yourself first at times as you are responsible for your own happiness and in this instance, preserving your well being and precious mind to be a safe haven for love, peace and joy.

Now your turn:  Is there a toxic relationship in your life that needs to be severed?  If so, do you have the courage to walk away for your own peace of mind?

OR, need advice?

Please feel free to share your heartfelt thoughts and comments with the rest of the community on the blog and I’ll be sure to reply.

All for love,

Abby xo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s Spring! Time for your mental detox.

Young woman with glass of orange juice.

Imagine having a messy roommate living in your mind.

Your lovely, roomie chatters incessantly, plays loud music, buys stuff she doesn’t need, lives in excessive clutter. She’s an ‘expert’ on all topics, and yaps in your ear constantly until you can’t even hear yourself think.

Take a moment to imagine what that would feel like. 

Claustrophobic anyone?

Well, that messy roommate is your Ego.

It sees chaos, judgment, cant’s, limitations and illusions.

She’s full of doubt, confusion, fear – she infuriates you.  You so wanna kick her butt to the curb and give her walking papers along with an eviction notice, but you can’t because you need her to the pay the rent – she’s useful.

And so there’s only one solution. 

And that is, you must assert yourself lovingly so she can’t be the boss of you.

She must acquiesce to your command, be managed and given some household chores on occasion to keep you in the flow and the place tidy.

This is what our inner world can feel like.

A constant tug of war between the Ego’s demands and the Spirit’s wisdom.

A battle between what is real vs. what is imagined, a warfare between truth and illusion.

It is this passionate, love/hate relationship that often manifests itself in our lives with the highs and lows, crappy circumstances, sucky situations etc., until we finally decide to surrender to Spirit’s guidance through stillness and work collaboratively as one, unified thought.

Spirit’s voice is the ‘Real You’. 

It is your limitless self full of endless potential with a mission and purpose in mind for you to fulfill. 

Your Ego is your servant, or in more real-life terms your roommate who doesn’t call the shots, keeps the place tidy, follows instructions and must work in unison with the Spirit’s counsel.

Every so often then we need to do some spring cleaning and silence the mental noise and clutter of our minds so that truth can emerge.  We do this by stilling the mind, letting go of all desires, attachments, and wanting, to hear what you truly need.

Spirit wants you to be joyful and happy.

It does not judge you and loves you unconditionally.  It knows what’s best for your spiritual evolution and has the power to manifest all of your desires and needs gracefully, through infinite intelligence.

In Spirit’s eyes, there is always a solution and there’s always a way through every block but it can only help you if you surrender to its higher wisdom.

It knows your purpose too, and through you it gives you the power to accomplish it so that you may experience true, inner peace and live a more meaningful life.

We fall out of communicado with Spirit in our lives when we follow the voice of the Ego.  For the Ego craves delusion and destruction while the Spirit sees truth and creativity.

There’s a beautiful, affirmation by A Course in Miracles that says:

“I do not see the Ego’s shadow of the world.”

We can give ourselves a gentle reminder of this throughout our day so that we can lean on the Spirit’s wisdom in our lives.

And by doing so, we invite more peaceful, joyful, harmonious living conditions in our minds.

We can finally live in the space of our True Selves and make a difference simply by allowing others to witness the light within us, so that they too, may see their true reflection.

With love,

Abby xo

Avoidance is expensive. Why getting real and confronting what is, sets you free.

Avoidance

There are moments in life where it becomes so intense, when we just want to hide under a duvet, where you just can’t be bothered and you just don’t wanna deal.

Can you relate?

I’m sure many of you can as we’ve all have had our fair share of challenges in life where we were faced with the decision to fight or flee.

I can recall an incident a few years back in my life, where one of my staff at the time spoke up and told me that the niche market that my business specialized in, was about to take a hit, that we should take note and shift gears fast.

I didn’t want to see it because I had witnessed and overcome so many cycles in fact, over 10 years of it so I chose to remain “overly” optimistic instead of taking heed of the signs that were evident that a storm was approaching – I avoided it.

Well you can take a wild guess, the storm did happen and let’s just say that it wasn’t fun and that it cost me – big time.

Yes, my castle started sinking with me in it.  The tide had turned and I resisted it, instead of flowing with it.

In fact, it got so close to me folding the business while it left me feeling bewildered, sad and even depressed.

While hindsight is always 20/20 and there are no mistakes only lessons in life, I still believe that it is healthy and wise to confront where you’ve screwed up, not in a judgmental kinda’ way, but in a cathartic, loving way.

To ignore your weaknesses is to celebrate delusion and nothing pure and true can truly flourish when we don’t accept ALL of who we are.

Yes, to be present and aware is also to accept change willingly with an open heart and follow accordingly knowing that it could very well be the best thing for you.

You see, avoidance is expensive.

It’s fear based.  It weighs you down, it delays, it plants seeds for repetitive behaviours, patterns and unfulfilling situations.  It makes the decision to suffer more later.

Confronting what ails you however, is love based and courageous while it makes a declaration that says “I love myself enough to deal with what’s in front of me as I am responsible for my own life and thus I am perfectly capable of handling anything that comes my way.”

And so my dear friends, I say Be Free Now.

Get real and honest with yourself and be present and true to where you are in the now.

Because by doing so, you free yourself from the old story that is getting in the way of the Universe writing a new one for you.

Admitting your mistakes is tough, but not learning from them is fatal at the cost of true joy, fulfillment, peace of mind and happiness.

And so I know you may be shaking in your boots to confront the things that are hurting you but I’d like to encourage you to feel the burn and do it anyways.

Here’s 3 TIPS on How to confront what’s hurting you with courage and grace:

1)    Admit what sucks.

Ok, so it sucks, we know this now, let’s be true to ourselves and admit it – progress.  I’m not a proponent of complaining or whining but in order to change the course of your life, you’ve got to have the courage to admit what’s not working. Covering things up by hiding behind a mask and reciting positive, fluffy affirmations just isn’t gonna cut it.  Facing your truth is what empowered living is all about and then having the courage to take steps to change what you don’t like.

2)   Write down a list of what’s not working.

Writing down your thoughts and feelings about what’s not working is so powerful, as it helps you get over the fear by facing it.  Let it leap out on the pages before you.  There is nothing virtuous or heroic in settling for less than you deserve and playing small.  You have greatness inside of you, let it out.  Get really specific, it could be your career, relationships, finances, health, ALL of the above, whatever.  Face it, it hurts oh so good, you’ll feel lighter when you do.

3)   Forgive yourself.

Now forgive yourself and just let it go.  Cry it out if need be, then take your list and burn baby burn.  Allow all of the emotions to flow through you, and then choose again by setting an intention on how you would like to see your life unfold, focus on it intensely, work hard at it and then surrender it all.

I believe that there’s something really beautiful, pure and cathartic when we shine a light on the things that are getting in the way of our evolution.

And those who have the courage to reflect and face what ails them, set themselves on the path to liberation.

Now your turn:  What are you currently having difficulty with confronting in your life?  Do share what you’re going through with the rest of the community on the blog so that we can empower you to turn the page on your life.

OR, need advice?

Please feel free to email me with your heartfelt thoughts and comments and I’ll be sure to Reply.

All for love,

Abby xo

 

 

 

 

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