The path to healing is a life-long process that will require a lot of patience and gentleness with yourself.
We are constantly shedding away our past, old habits and patterns that continue to surface in our lives.
Just when you think “I’ve got it, I’ve finally got it!”, someone will say, or do, something that can trigger you so deeply that your pain (and many of your old patterns) can come back to haunt you.
Just when you think, I’ve met the one, you realize that it’s the same guy, but in a different suit.
Just when you think, I’m doing so well by eating healthy, you roll by your local Tim Horton’s, look at the menu and order the same donut with the sprinkles on it.
It can be incredibly frustrating, but you are a human being, and you’re going to slip up.
And that’s okay.
You’re going to break your diet and put the weight back on until you stabilize.
You’re going to believe your stories.
You’re going to put your foot in your mouth sometimes.
You’re going to skip the gym or yoga class, procrastinate, miss your meditation practice, stop your exercise regime, make poor choices, and the list goes on and on.
Because it’s never about the destination. It’s everything we learn throughout the journey.
One of the most important lessons that I have learned over the years is to be gentle with myself. This has helped me in turn to become more patient, understanding and compassionate with others.
You are going to fail your way forward to deeper meaning and that there is no other way.
Cause and effect is one of your greatest teachers, along with suffering, and pain. Let’s just accept it with grace, gentleness, and vulnerability. When you can demonstrate more compassion to yourself for the divine lessons that are unfolding in your life, you’ll really be able to open yourself up to the divine.
Everyone makes mistakes. That’s how we learn!
If you can learn to accept your imperfections, forgive yourself more often, and change your dialogue of constant self-criticism so you can speak to yourself in a more loving way, miraculous shifts can occur in your life.
So the next time you’re about to slip up?
Go easy on yourself.
Allow yourself to be a human being, be willing to see the lesson in it all, and try again next time.
Keep believing in yourself!
The word authenticity gets thrown around a lot nowadays, but what does that word really mean?
Authenticity is about honouring your personal truths; sometimes at the expense of pleasing others.
It’s a way of living; being the same person in public and in private, and voicing how you feel without layering it up with positivity.
For example, if you’re tired and someone asks you out to dinner, instead of making excuses, just tell them the truth, “I’m a little tired today, how about a raincheck?”
Clear and transparent.
The most important thing of all is that you honour your personal truths and integrity.
Of course it’s completely natural to slip up at times, it’s good to be reminded of staying true to what you stand for in all situations.
The disease to please is quite common in our society.
Why do we feel the need to do this?
Is it an underlying plea for approval and acceptance?
I’m sure you can admit that between making a choice to be brutally honest with your friends, or sugar-coating your response so you don’t hurt that person’s feelings, you would make the choice to save their feelings.
Brutal honesty, when delivered harshly, can be received as cruel and insensitive. However, I’d like to know why we have to cop out of saying it like it is nicely?
I’ve discovered that deep down, people crave the need to assimilate. You’ll allow yourself to be uncomfortable in the name of not being perceived as a party-pooper, and over time, this becomes a habitual way of living.
The sad part is, you’re only giving people half truths. You’re not really honouring how you feel, and on top of that you’re not revealing who you really are.
Why do you wear these masks?
Your need for connection and validation can become so strong that you learn to stifle and sacrifice your voice as a means to be accepted.
For the sake of approval it’s easier to reveal just a small part of yourself, while the other person is left with only the fractured image that you’ve presented to them.
You are unknowingly giving your power away for the sake of being liked.
Every time you withhold your truth by not honouring how you really feel, or acknowledging where you stand, you are not living in the space of your highest self.
Examine how you feel when you’re about to tell a white lie. Notice how anxious you become, how slowly you start to feel heavy and weakened.
You’ll find that your resistance to being honest has more to do with an underlying need for acceptance, rooted in fear.
Fear of being judged and not liked, and the fear of being rejected.
Now I’m not saying that we should go around blurting out our feelings without any consideration for the other person, because on the other hand, that can have disastrous effects and ruin relationships.
Empowered living will require you to speak your truth so that you can ultimately live in the space of your higher self from a place of love.
Your turn; have you ever been in a situation where you found yourself being overly diplomatic only to walk away feeling totally depleted?
OR, need advice?
Share your heartfelt thoughts and comments with the rest of the community on the blog, and I’ll be sure to reply.
I used to stifle my emotions and I was quite good at it.
My automatic response when someone asked how I was doing (when I clearly wasn’t doing well) was, “I’m ok, really I am.”
In fact, I got so good at holding it together in a crisis without breaking down, that it actually helped me thrive in my business and overall in my life.
I was taught to believe that expressing my emotions was a sign of weakness, so I intellectualized what I felt. I put on my reasoning cap, became overly diplomatic and sacrificial in expressing what I truly felt, which created layers of blockages.
My mind took over, but my heart was screaming for nurturing and attention.
It wasn’t until I crossed paths with an incredible Life Coach a few years back that brought this mind-centred way of thinking to my attention. It helped me to release all of the pent up energy that manifested itself in my body. Behold, the floodgates opened while I cried out all of the sadness and anger that I held deep within.
This was a pivotal point in my journey because my life started to take off in a more authentic way; a way where I no longer had to fear revealing my vulnerability; a way that I could tap into my power and strength by embracing all of me.
There is wisdom in not allowing yourself to become a slave to your emotions, but I believe that you’ll do more harm by not expressing them, or worse, suppressing them.
Your emotions are the triggers that let you know something is out of harmony within, something that needs to be brought to the forefront for healing.
When you suppress your emotions, it inevitably creates barriers and blockages in your heart.
You avoid facing your truth.
By not expressing your emotions, you bear the risk of becoming desensitized, less compassionate, and less empathetic. How you treat yourself internally will reflect your actions outwardly.
And, the things that you resist, persist.
You can use the following questions as journal prompts to work through some of your emotional blockages:
- How can you build healthy, authentic relationships in your life without expressing your emotions?
- How can you grow closer to someone by living behind a mask?
- How can you teach your children to become whole people by not allowing them to witness your emotions?
- How can you be a relatable leader in your life when you don’t reveal your true self?
I can recall an incident during President Obama’s campaigning for office, when his grandmother passed away in the middle of his speech. He openly wept, and displayed his mourning for the whole world to see.
I found this so inspiring, and exemplary; that we are all human, and that it’s okay to express what you feel.
There will always be moments in life where you can’t let it all hang out, but I think it’s high time to learn how to embrace the entire spectrum of emotions, especially sadness, anger, etc.
You must feel these emotions, witness them, allow them to flow through you. However, don’t allow them to take root, because they are only transient and there to make you more aware of what needs to be healed.
I believe that the more in tune you become with your emotions, the more you open the door to a greater understanding of yourself.
By doing so, you can live more powerfully and authentically in the space of your higher self.
Over to you: Do you have a difficult time expressing your emotions? What is it that keeps you from expressing them?
Or, need advice?
Please feel free to share your heartfelt thoughts and comments on the blog with the rest of the community and I’ll be sure to reply.
Cheers to having the occasional meltdown, it really is okay!