Let’s face it — it’s awkward, inconvenient, and a total vibe-killer.
However, for the sake of connection and communication, it’s necessary to clear the air on occasion.
I believe this message is quite timely and worthy of discussion as people are really out with their pitch forks, hyper vigilant more than ever before to be heard and express themselves.
I want to change the perception of this conversation (that usually involves sweaty-palms) in such a way that makes harmony and love the intention to create mutual respect for one another.
It’s not about being right, it’s about being happy.
I believe that healthy confrontation is a life skill that is often overlooked, and needs to be developed. Relationships are everything, both in business and in life.
You’re in a meeting with a colleague, you make a recommendation and lo and behold, you get an eye-roll from the back of the room.
The meeting continues and the very same colleague throws a comment, riddled with sarcasm regarding your recommendation. And it happens again, and again until you finally drum up the courage to confront the issue.
What do you do? Do you let it go? Or, do you face the person to clear the air (sweaty palms and all)?
Miscommunication, assumptions, projections, things left unsaid, and stories, all affect cohesiveness. This is especially true in a team, partnership, friendship, relationship etc. and affects progression on an energetic level. This can often lead to grievances and grudges that end up weighing you down.
A heart and mind free of grievances will propel you forward in this life.
On that note, here are 4 Spiritual Tips For A Healthy Confrontation:
1) Set the intention for peaceful resolve ahead of time.
Intention is everything.
If you launch in attack mode, nothing will be accomplished except fulfilling your need to be right. A healthy confrontation will require you to go in with an open mind, and maybe more importantly, an open heart, so you can actually hear what the person has to say before rushing to judgement.
2) Seek to listen, not to respond.
Your tender ego will naturally want to defend it’s own beliefs and assumptions. Try to remember that you (and your tender ego) are not on trial! However, neither is the person that you’re having the confrontation with.
Do your best to detach from the situation and look at it from their perspective. Be contemplative. Open your heart and your mind before you respond. No two people think alike, nor do they see things the same. Seek common ground, you may not necessarily agree with their position, however, stick to the objective of resolve.
3) Speak your mind.
Try phrases like:
- You know what, when you said [this], it bothered me.
- Am I reading into this, do you have an issue with something I said?
- I truly just want to understand.
Then give the other person the opportunity to respond, and listen intently to what they have to say. This is not about people-pleasing, or about being liked, it’s about seeking common ground.
4) Apologize and be unapologetic at the same time.
Apologize for not understanding their feelings however, don’t apologize for your position. This is not about you being swayed from your convictions or integrity. You are simply acknowledging that their feelings matter. This doesn’t mean that you have to agree with the other person. It just means that you value compassion and understanding over conflict.
Please note that this is often easier said than done.If you can check your ego at the door, and understand with your heart to approach the confrontation from a place of love and harmony, so much more can be accomplished.
Both parties can come to a mutual respect for one another. After all, isn’t that what really matters in the end?
There are certain game-changing moments in your life when someone shares something so profound with you that it becomes deeply embedded into your subconscious mind. It changes you forever.
I experienced one of those moments when I spent time with my Guru, a few years back. He shared the following with me, and I’ll never be the same.
“Wherever you go in life Abby, always do truth, be truth, live in truth, and you will be protected by the four corners of the earth where grace shall overflow in your life.”
It is those very words that always pops up in my mind whenever I need to make a decision.
I think about them before I speak, and before I act. I know that anytime I stray away from my core, my truth, I can always return back to love, for I am forever loved, and so are you.
Take a moment to reflect on the times where life was overly challenging.
The times that tested you to your core.
The times that brought you down to your knees.
Then I want you to ask yourself these questions, (it will take courage if you’re being honest with yourself).
“What is my truth and when did I fall out of alignment with it?”
- Was your business struggling because you weren’t focused enough?
- Did you give up on exercising because you allegedly don’t have enough time?
- Have you given in to unhealthy eating because it was just plain easier?
- Did you fall into a rut where it was all work and no play?
- Did you pay attention to the red flags?
- Have you been authentic in your relationships and friendships?
These questions are not meant to condemn you in any way. This isn’t about judgment, I’ve had to face these questions too in my life.
It can be easy to lose track of what’s important in your life when you’re living on autopilot.
These questions are meant to help you see where you may have fallen out of alignment with your heart, so that you can lovingly bring yourself back into your truth.
I love this quote by Krishna ji, it totally resonates with my heart.
“The one path to true joy, is looking at the truth.”
Loving ‘what is’ is a beautiful and empowering space to be in.
It is the ultimate declaration of faith in the Universe and trusting completely in its divine organizing mechanisms. It is the recognition of the divine in all things and treating all experiences as sacred.
It’s standing in your power and taking full and ultimate responsibility for the choices that you have made with acceptance, knowing that by moving forward, you can choose again.
It is living with the wisdom and understanding that there is always something greater unfolding.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t change something that is undesirable though!
It just means that you face the truth of your circumstance with loving acceptance and grace.
In this, I am beginning to see that life really is simple, the more simple that I make it.
The more you stay attuned to your core and your heart, the more you’ll stay in alignment with your truth.
Remaining present and mindful to ‘what is’, is vital to your well being, takes a whole lot of inner strength, and could change everything for you.
Your life is your life, and yours alone.
Mindful living is radical, and it can be tough. However, it can also be gloriously soul-affirming to keep you true to who you are.
And, the greatest gift that you can offer this world is to be in harmony with yourself!
Sometimes, life can seem pretty tough.
The golden opportunity that you thought was a level up, didn’t quite work out; the beautiful relationship that you thought would last a lifetime didn’t etc.
These things happen, change is certain, in fact, none of us are absolved from curve balls in life however, we can choose to see things differently.
You have a choice to see through the lens of love or fear.
When you look through the lens of love, everything is happening for your highest good.
And through the lens of fear, that you are a victim.
Bitterness hurts, my friends.
It creates a negative vortex around you that puts a sign on your forehead for the Universe that says, “I want more problems.”
Plus, it’s a heavy energy to carry, which is not an empowering way to live.
On the other hand, love heals and can trigger what needs to be brought to the surface for examination.
Love sees the whole picture, and views every challenging situation as a divine lesson with greater meaning. It molds you, pruning and refining you into the magnificent person that you really are.
Loves forces you to ask, “What can I learn from this experience? In what way can I learn more about myself based on my reaction?”
There is always a shared accountability in every encounter or experience that you have.
By taking responsibility for your part in the experience, you shift from being the victim, to being empowered.
Nothing can be accomplished with a heart that is closed off.
This perpetuates suffering and spreads density within.
An open heart, on the other hand, creates space for everything beautiful to unfold in your life.
No one is exempt from crappy situations.
Ask yourself these questions when you find yourself holding onto a grievance in your heart:
1) What value do I get by holding onto this offence?
It’s really twisted, but somehow we feed into the belief that pain adds value in our lives. Or that by holding onto a grudge, it is revengeful. But this only hurts ourselves in the end. When you love yourself, why on earth would you want to hang onto that pain?
2) What would love do in this situation?
Ask yourself what would love do? Does love punish? Is it full of revenge? Only fear wants to do all of the above because fear interprets itself as being under attack whereas love sees itself as always safe and protected.
3) Am I getting what I want?
Most of us have hidden desires of the heart; we’re only human, after all. So ask yourself if the grievance is getting in the way of the life you want to live. You’ll find with deeper reflection that it is in some way as it keeps you shackled in your past, leaving no room for new experiences to come in.
Every single person is worthy of a beautiful, fulfilling life.
However, it starts with having an open heart and the willingness to learn and see things differently.
Cheers to joy, lightness, and freedom!