Let’s face it — it’s awkward, inconvenient, and a total vibe-killer. It can really zap the joy out of you.
However, for the sake of connection and communication, it’s necessary to clear the air on occasion.
I believe this message is quite timely and worthy of discussion since there’s been a lot of resistance in the air lately with Mercury Retrograde in full effect.
I want to change the perception of this conversation (that usually involves sweaty-palms) in such a way that makes harmony and love the intention to create mutual respect for one another.
It’s not about being right, it’s about being happy.
I believe that healthy confrontation is a life skill that is often overlooked, and needs to be developed. Relationships are everything, both in business and in life.
You’re in a meeting with a colleague, you make a recommendation and lo and behold, you get an eye-roll from the back of the room.
The meeting continues and the very same colleague throws a comment, riddled with sarcasm regarding your recommendation. And it happens again, and again until you finally drum up the courage to confront the issue.
What do you do? Do you let it go? Or, do you face the person to clear the air (sweaty palms and all)?
Miscommunication, assumptions, projections, things left unsaid, and stories, all affect cohesiveness. This is especially true in a team, partnership, friendship, relationship etc. and affects progression on an energetic level. This can often lead to grudges that end up weighing you down and ultimately throwing you out of alignment with the grace of life..
A heart and mind free of grievances will propel you forward in this life.
On that note, here are 4 Spiritual Tips For A Healthy, Confrontation:
1) Set the intention for peaceful resolve ahead of time.
Intention is everything.
If you launch in attack mode, nothing will be accomplished except fulfilling your need to be right. A healthy confrontation will require you to go in with an open mind, and maybe more importantly, an open heart, so you can actually hear what the person has to say before rushing to judgement.
2) Seek to listen, not to respond.
Your tender ego will naturally want to defend it’s own beliefs and assumptions. Try to remember that you (and your tender ego) are not on trial! However, neither is the person that you’re having the confrontation with.
Do your best to detach from the situation and look at it from their perspective. Be contemplative. Open your heart and your mind before you respond. No two people think alike, nor do they see things the same. Seek common ground, you may not necessarily agree with their position, however, stick to the objective of resolve.
3) Speak your mind.
Try phrases like:
- You know what, when you said [this], it bothered me.
- Am I reading into this, do you have an issue with something I said?
- I truly just want to understand.
Then give the other person the opportunity to respond, and listen intently to what they have to say. This is not about people-pleasing, it’s about seeking common ground.
4) Apologize and be unapologetic at the same time.
Apologize for not understanding their feelings however, don’t apologize for your position. This is not about you being swayed from your convictions or integrity. You are simply acknowledging that their feelings matter. This doesn’t mean that you have to agree with the other person. It just means that you value compassion and understanding over conflict.
Please note that this is often easier said than done. However, if you can understand with your heart to approach the confrontation from a place of love and harmony, so much more can be accomplished.
After all, isn’t that what really matters in the end?